I know, I have been really bad with keeping this blog up to date. Now only have 2 more months of classes for my Master’s, and BOOM, I’m done. I will get to add four new letters behind my name, it will sound so fancy.
BUT. With graduation comes the agony of job searching; preparing myself for the next step after school. I am planning to go back to Vancouver, I already have my flight tickets purchased, and I have been applying to a lot of places because I want to have a job lined up before I go back home. So I have been sending in my resumes and applications for the past number of weeks, and all I have been getting are the ‘sorry but…’ rejection letters and/or complete silence.
This is not my first time going through the job hunting process. I remember when I was looking for a job during my fourth year of undergrad. I was surrounded with friends who already had offers from investment banks, the Big 4s, consulting firms, and bla bla bla. Then there I was, with nothing, and I was extremely depressed. I felt like a failure and was so disappointed with myself. That was the first time in my life where things didn’t go as I planned. I’ve had my 10-year-plan since I was 20, and I was on track until then. That feeling of uncertainty and disappointment put such unbearable stress on myself and even though I didn’t realize it back then, I started to have mild anxiety attacks.
Fast forward a little bit, I did end up with a job after graduation, and I truly enjoyed working at my old company with my colleagues. I thought I would never have to go through such depressing time after that. Fast forward again to now, and boy was I wrong. I’m going through the exact same phase, except that this time I’m in Spain by myself, and I’m trying to find a job in Vancouver. I know I still have a few more months to go, but I am such a plan-ahead kind of a person and I hate uncertainty.
Also, this time I have even more pressure. I’m getting a Master’s degree, for goodness sake, from Europe’s top business school. I have left everything at home, quit my job, and now in debt for this degree. And to go back home without a job – I’m not only disappointing myself, but I’m even more scared that I’ll disappoint my family. How proud my parents are of me, and how much they believe in me is not only the source of my strengths but something that I can’t let down. Then seeing my European colleagues going around having interviews – I’ll be honest, I am jealous of them.
I know the only thing I can do right now is to try. I’ll have to try and try and try, and try harder until I find ‘the’ job. I might be off the path for a couple of months, and I’m afraid how I’ll be able to face those times, but the only way to find out is to try I guess.